By Barrister Olori-Aje Adams
Men are conceived in the womb of women and born through women. They are nurtured, loved, and raised by women. A man falls in love with a woman and marries her, through whom he finds the joy of procreation.
Likewise, women are connected to men. They desire, love, and marry men. They become mothers through the seed of men. Indeed, the cycle of life is a beautiful interplay of the male and female roles, each completing the other.
In truth, the joy and fulfilment of a woman often involve the contribution of a man, just as the life of a man is woven with the existence of a woman. It is therefore surprising to see a man disrespecting a woman whom he claims to love, and it is equally disheartening to witness a woman belittling a man who is a source of her joy in procreation.
In the wisdom of our Creator, men and women are like two sides of the same coin, different, yet inseparable, read Qur’an 30:21.
The divine expectation is that when men and women come together, their bond should make each of them better. They are meant to be partners, supporting, protecting, and building one another.
To achieve this, both must believe in each other, nurture one another, and strive to be a source of peace and not a source of the other’s problems. A healthy relationship is like a garden that must be nurtured and constantly watered; it needs constant care, patience, time, and presence to flourish.
Yes, in every relationship, there will be rainy days and storms and there is nothing like all sunshine relationship, but two people in love can share one umbrella and weather every storm together.
The success of any relationship between a man and a woman requires the active participation and sacrifice of both. This begins with self-awareness.
Self-awareness is not a weakness but a strength. It is the first step toward personal growth. A thriving relationship does not require perfect people; it requires men and women humble enough to say: I am not perfect, I was wrong, and I want to be better.
The clarion call today is on this core basis for a healthy, happy relationship of man and woman which is ‘self-awareness’!
Either of us in a relationship, needs to accept that we are the problem in the following areas of our attitudes with a view to reappraise and reset our steps for a lasting and joyful relationship.
i) If you have to win every argument, if for you, it is not about finding a solution but about being right, then you are a problem in your relationship.
ii) If you always dismiss your partner’s actions as overreaction or you are too sensitive to issues, then you are a red flag in your relationship.
iii) If you hardly apologize and when you do, your apology is followed by, but you also did so, so and so. That is not apology but deflection. If you bring up past score-points in the present, you are nothing but an emotional weapon to your relationship.
iv) If you always adopt silence remedy to address conflicts. If you are used to cold attitudes, know that it brings nothing but resentment. This is because, if you fail to clear misunderstanding in time, it turns to become the basis of distance between the two of you and if distance is not addressed in time, it may become a thing of forever.
v) If you expect your partner to read your mind, then you must expect your partner to be a devil. Remember that, unspoken needs leads to unmet needs.
vi) If you criticize constantly and not offering solution or if you do not encourage your partner, then you are gradually creating a wall in-between the relationship.
vii) If you blame everything on your partner and never stop to ask yourself, what are you also getting wrong, or missing out in the relationship, then you are a problem to the relationship.
The list is inexhaustive, but it all boils down to the fact that; love doesn’t die naturally, it is rather murdered either by ego, attitudes or ignorance. it takes two to tangle and no one should expect perfection from the other. We should accept each other as we are and not as we wish. Let our decisions or reactions always comes from a place of peace, and not of reactions. (read Qur’an 9:71)
Ya Allah, fill our hearts with mercy, love, and understanding. Make our relationships gardens of peace and not battlegrounds of pride. Protect our tongues from hurtful words, our hearts from arrogance, and our actions from injustice. Grant us the humility to apologize, the wisdom to forgive, and the patience to nurture one another in Your obedience.
