THE FORSAKEN BOY CHILD

By Ademola Lawrence

“Jesus wept.” – John 11:35. The shortest verse in the Bible, yet one of the most profound.

It reminds us that Jesus, the Son of God, experienced grief and sorrow. He wept. He was a boy, a man, and a human being with emotions.

So why does society tell the boy child to “man up,” suppress his emotions, and move on as if nothing happened?

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) also cried—when his grandson was dying, when he lost his infant son Ibrahim, and when close companions like Saad ibn Ubadah fell ill or passed away. These examples show that strength and emotion are not mutually exclusive.

Yet, historically, society has focused less on the development and emotional well-being of boys. There is a prevailing assumption that boys are naturally resilient and don’t need as much support. This mindset has crushed the emotional expression of many boys who grow up feeling neglected—sometimes not because their parents don’t care, but because no one notices or understands what they need to thrive emotionally.

Awareness for the girl child has grown significantly over the years—from combating sexual abuse to advocating for access to education and protection from societal neglect. These campaigns are essential, and progress must continue. However, while we’re focused on the girl child, the boy child has quietly been left behind.

According to UNESCO:

“Boys’ educational performance is becoming a growing global concern. Many face distinct challenges that affect their ability to succeed in school… Boys’ literacy, in particular, presents a significant challenge, with data showing they generally lag behind girls in reading skills and engagement.”

Despite efforts, 128 million boys and 122 million girls are still out of school. Globally, 57% of children have not acquired basic skill levels.

For the past 10–15 years, the boy child has received significantly less support. This neglect has contributed to the moral decay we now witness in society. You may ask: How does this affect us all?

Well, consider this: we teach the girl child to recognize the signs of abuse—but who becomes the abuser in many cases? A man. A man who once was a boy—neglected, emotionally stifled, and never taught how to understand or process his emotions.

Society assumes the boy child will just know these things. But most of the time, he doesn’t. He is told not to cry. To hide his emotions. That real men don’t show weakness. He is taught to bottle it up. To endure. To “be a man.”

But what happens when that boy grows into a man, one who wants to raise a family? When he meets a woman he loves, how will he express his anger, his affection, or his fears?

We often romanticize the idea that “a man will do anything for the woman he loves,” but we ignore the emotional foundation that should underlie that love. What does he do with his anger? What happens when he feels unappreciated or rejected? These are questions that should have been addressed in his formative years, but weren’t—because we never taught him how.

It’s unrealistic to expect a man at 30 to suddenly begin learning emotional intelligence when we never gave him the tools as a child.

Sometimes, it feels like society is delusional. As women rise through education and empowerment rightly so who will be their partners in work, life, or marriage if we haven’t developed the men alongside them?

Some will say, “She can have dinner with another woman. She can talk to other women.” That may be true in friendship, but it denies the design described in Genesis 2:24:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Marriage, companionship, and family are built on partnership—between emotionally whole men and women.

The Challenges of the Forgotten Boy Child

* Neglect: He is left to navigate life’s difficulties without a support system because society says he must be “strong.”

* Rejection: Without proper guidance, he doesn’t learn how to process rejection. That’s why some men struggle to accept when a woman says “no.” No one ever taught them boundaries.

* Moral Decay: Rejection and neglect can push boys toward destructive behaviors—drugs, fraud, or manipulation. Often, it is men who introduce women to hard drugs or criminal activity—not because they are inherently bad, but because no one taught them better.

And who ends up affected the most? Women.

Terrorism, drug abuse, and violence—mostly carried out by men. But the consequences are shared by all.

The Way Forward

We need targeted strategies that focus on the specific needs of boys:

* Supportive learning environments.

* Challenging toxic masculinity and outdated gender norms.

* Teaching emotional intelligence and empathy from a young age.

* Equal educational and emotional support just as we’ve done for girls.

Conclusion

My message is simple: men and women need each other. While we continue to campaign for the girl child, let’s also advocate for the boy child. Side by side.

Only then can we build a society grounded in morality, humanity, and love—the very reasons we were created.

I support gender equity.

Ademola Lawrence, is an Abuja based Journalist