Marriage as a spiritual journey

By Barrister Olori-Aje Adams

In Islam, marriage (nikāh) is regarded as a sacred covenant and a form of worship that completes half of a Muslim’s faith. It is not merely a social contract, but a divinely ordained institution designed to promote love, mercy, and tranquillity between spouses, as stated in Qur’an 30 verse 21.
The spiritual benefits of marriage ranges from being a means of completing half of one’s faith, source of tranquillity and emotional support, opportunity for continuous sadaqah, to being a source of spiritual growth.
In essence, marriage in Islam is a spiritual journey, not just a worldly contract, it is a path to divine closeness to Allah (SWT) through mutual love, sacrifice, and shared purpose.
Marriage appears sweet from a distance, especially when listening to or viewing the social media-worthy love stories, romantic newlyweds, and success tales of enduring couples. But once you become a party in the institution, the reality hits and the true meaning of the adage that; what is behind “number six” is often more than “number seven”, unfolds. In other words, the institution of marriage is deeper than it seems.
Yes! Marriage will stretch your patience. It will test your ego. It will confront your flaws like hell. Marriage humbles the proud and shapes the willing. It is not always sweet stories but it is worthy, because it nurtures and earn you divine blessings if you let it.
Unfortunately, most people prepare earnestly for the romantic side of marriage while neglecting to brace themselves for the realities that define marital longevity. Ironically, what breaks most marriages is not the absence of romance, but the inability to endure with the reality of the union as it unfolds.
I intend to briefly highlight some challenging realities in marriage with a view to awakening your preparedness for a lasting union.

1) Communication
Secrecy and keeping secrets are short codes that ruin a union. It is said and I rightly believe so, that secrets bring drama and drama leads to problems. No doubt, unresolved problems may eventually break a marriage.
The hallmark of a successful union lies in the understanding existing between the parties and communication is the right key to understanding.
It is essential to guard the happiness of your home, recognizing the fact that the best relationships lies where yesterday’s disagreements do not hinder today’s communication. Instead of holding on to anger and bottling it up in your heart, it is always far better to listen, understand each other’s feelings and work together to resolve issues. Learn to communicate, listen to understand and always speak to create a solution.

2) Faithfulness
Remaining faithful is easy in theory but challenging in reality — especially when intimacy is strained in marriage.
The temptation to commit adultery in marriage is often stronger than fornication while in singleness. Knowing the taste of sex, may arose seductive tendencies and opportunities. Sometimes, your spouse might grow cold sexually, while others from the outside are eager to give you. (Qur’an 23:5–7)
Remember, marriage does not cure lust — self-discipline does. If you lack sexual restraint as a single, it will suddenly appear in marriage, you must discipline yourself.

3) Compatibility
Sexual matters can make or break a marriage. One partner may be a novice, one may have a high libido, while the other could go months untouched.
Sex in marriage requires understanding of the couples as to their natures, patience with each other, and mutual sacrifice.

4) Sustenance
Money is a double edge sword in marriage, it is both a helper and a destroyer in marriage. It can enrich love or corrode trust.
Marital unity and happiness demand openness in finances. Do not operate from selfish ideologies like “his money is ours, while mine is mine”? While he has been commanded to spend on you, it is your responsibility to be an understanding helper.
Secret projects, hidden income, or financial irresponsibility erode trust. Until money matters are discussed and agreed upon, peace may likely remain elusive in a marriage.

5) Expectations
Marriage often defies our fantasies. She might gain weight after childbirth. He might become emotionally distant while chasing income here and there.
It is better to prepare not just for romance but for marriage storms in the likes of; job loss, infertility, illness, relocation, spiritual struggles. These are all parts of the journey. In marriage, there are sunshine, storms and rainfalls. (Qur’an 2:155)
From the above Qur’anic verse, unmet expectations should not be met with resentment. Instead, they should be faced with maturity, patience, and God-consciousness.

6) Differences
No two people are the same and since the couples are of different backgrounds, small issues, from squeezing toothpaste in the middle to how food is served, can cause major friction.
Conflict is inevitable in marriage, but how you manage it makes all the difference. Emotional maturity, humility, and empathy are needed to reconcile differences and keep the marriage thriving.

Final Reflections
Marriage is not a fairy tale. It is a lifelong journey of learning, sacrificing, and forgiving. As a wife, your greatest priority should be to create a home where your husband can’t wait to return to- a place where he feels deeply respected, loved, valued and completely at peace.
As husband your greatest priority is to be there for her as a strong pillar in love and understanding.
In marriage, delays in childbirth, interference from in-laws, spiritual crises, or financial setbacks may arise. You are expected to be spiritually and emotionally equipped to weather the storms as they arise.
A successful marriage is not about marrying the “right person” but becoming the right spouse and while preparing for a marriage ceremony, know that, more than the grandeur and excitement of the one day, you are to equally prepare for the storms which must come.
On this auspicious Jum’ah day, I beseech You O Allah to rectify our spouses and our offsprings, to make our homes as places of tranquillity and mercy, and to make us among the patient and grateful in times of ease and hardship.