How to spot a fake Abuja big girl

If you have lived in Abuja for more than a year, you should understand the term “fake Abuja big girl” or FABB.

Chinenye Ugonna These are the girls who are usually very attractive, own all the Apple products in this world, live in N1million flats in Maitama, but if you check their background, their parents are struggling in their various villages.

Enough said, let me educate you.

1. Bleached skin and tattoos: These days, most girls think they have to be “white-skinned” to be beautiful. They go as far as taking injections to perfect their skin. They then get tattoos to complete the look. These girls have to sell their market. When you check their background, their families are as dark-skinned as they come but these girls look more like Black or White era Michael Jackson.

2. Fake accent: This is another common trait. FABBs roll their tongues like their lives depend on it. Every vowel, irrespective of the word, is followed by an ‘R’: Jos become Jors; Taxi, Tarxi; Abuja, Abujarrr.

3. Long ‘human’ hair: If they do not have the Brazilian hair that reaches their butt, they haven’t arrived. Picture the combo: bleached skin, fake accent and long Brazilian hair. Most of these girls don’t even have up to N10, 000 in their bank accounts but they have to impress. All na packaging!

4. Own the latest android phones: This draws me back to a Nigerian movie I watched weeks ago. Funke Akindele’s character sold her bed just so she could buy an Android phone. She preferred to sleep on a bare mattress on the floor than use her regular Nokia phone just so she could impress the guys and catch “proper fish.” This is exactly what FABBS do. They would own the iPhone 5s, S4, iPad. Before the iPhone6 is out, they already have it yet they don’t have regular jobs. So where do they get all that money from?

5. Don’t invite you to their houses: FABBs never want you to know where they live; it would ruin the illusion of their prosperous lives. Picture this, as a guy, you meet this pretty light skinned lady, who owns all the nicest phone and tablets, maybe drives a car if the hustle is tight; long Brazilian hair and a little cash in their bank account. As a guy, you believe you are toasting or dating a girl who has money. So, why would she invite you to her “face me I face you” to spoil her packaging? Everybody’s hustle is different but that of the Fake Abuja Big Girl is the realest; take note.

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