By Barrister Olori-Aje Adams
Unlike our parents and siblings, whom Allah (SWT) chooses for us without our input, Allah, The Most Just, grants us the right to choose our spouses. This choice, however, comes with responsibility.
Allah (SWT) emphasizes the fact that, once the choice is made, the marriage union must be sealed and sustained with love, mercy, kindness, and a balanced sense of mutual responsibility.
We are urged to read and reflect deeply on the guidance contained in the Qur’an, particularly in Surah Ar-Rum (30:21), Al-Baqarah (2:187 and 2:228), and An-Nisa (4:19). These verses collectively highlight the purpose of marriage, the companionship it brings, and the ethical conduct required between spouses.
‘A sign of Allah is creating spouses from one’s own kind for tranquillity, love and mercy, emphasizing divine wisdom in relationship for those who reflect. It highlights that mates provide peace, affection and compassion fulfilling a fundamental need for companionship and a harmonious home. A profound sign for those who contemplate God’s creation and purpose.
The Prophet (SAW) beautifully summarized this principle when he said: The best of you is the best to their families.
‘My understanding of these divine proclamations has led me to the following reflections that your spouse is the only person who loves you by deliberate choice. While your parents love you because you are Allah’s gift to them, your siblings love you because you share blood and your children love you because you are their parent. But your spouse saw your flaws, your scars, your past, your personality and everything that makes you, and still said, “I choose you.” Out of millions of people in the world, you chose each other. That is no small coincidence.’
Today I want to stress the fact that, from the above divine proclamations, marriage is not sustained by chance; it is rather sustained by daily decisions and continuous choice of each other by the spouse.
Every sacrifice by each spouse is a silent declaration that I will not lose you. Every act of patience from the spouse is a reaffirmation that I love you. Every effort of each spouse is a proof that your love is not merely a feeling; it is loyalty in action. Therefore, do not treat this choice casually. Guard it. Honor it. Renew it every day because, being chosen and truly chosen, is one of the rarest and most powerful forms of love in the world.
Remember this on days of misunderstanding. Remember this when pride wants to speak louder than compassion. Remember this when silence feels easier than forgiveness. Remember that love survives only when both hearts continue to choose each other.
A marriage is lost the moment that continuous choice is neglected. So, nurture that bond which began with solemn intention and vow before God, The Almighty, All- Seeing and All-Knowing and men.
Never stop choosing each other, even on the hardest days because, love lives, grows, and endures where choice is renewed daily. Choose love. Choose peace. Choose each other, again and again.
Again, we must know that, there is no perfect husband, there is no perfect wife, there is no flawless couple, and there is no perfect family. In fact, perfection was never the promise of marriage but, commitment was.
Those who endure their marital ties, learn the art of handling their imperfections with a view to staying longer on the matrimonial track.
Every relationship, especially marriage is periodically tested by these inherent human imperfections and the only thing known to rescue the relationship is, restraint. I mean the ability to pause instead of reacting, the ability to understand instead of condemning and the ability to forgive instead of withdrawing.
We need to realize the fact that every beauty has its ugly side and it carries an unseen shadow. We spend most of our times embracing the beautiful side of our spouses, and when life turns the wheel and the other side appears in the form of; the flaws, habits and shortcomings, we lose our balance, and fail to accept the fact that, the flaws, the habits and the shortcomings are in the package of the other soul we willingly choose and subscribed to.
We always think of the person we love as Angel and Saint, until the wheel of time reminds us and open our eyes to these imperfections of the one we love. And in those awakening moments lies the sacred lesson that, love is not proven by admiration alone, but by true acceptance.
True love stays. True love grows and deepens not because imperfections disappeared, but because, hearts learn how to accept and manage them with mercy.
May this Friday bring true reflection, humility, and renewed commitment into our homes.
Reflections
“Successful is he who purifies his nafs and destroyed is indeed he who submitted to the mischief of his Nafs.” — (Surah Al-Shams: 9-10)
Fitnah (Trial): This life is a test, and temptation is a trial meant to distinguish between those who obey and those who disobey.
Dear Beloved,
When temptations surround you, may Allāh (SWT) protect you from Zinā.
When your pockets are empty, may He shield you from poverty.
When your body weakens, may He guard you from sickness.
When burdens grow, may He free you from debt.
When years pass, may He save you from a humiliating old age.
And when this life ends, may He protect you from the Fire and grant you Jannah without account.
Sabr (Patience) is staying gentle when life is hard and trusting Allāh, The All-Knowing, when answers are delayed. What you endure today will become ease and reward tomorrow.
O Allāh, The Most Merciful, help me remember You, be grateful to You, and worship You well.
